The hypermobile guide to dating

First dates are notoriously awkward for any singleton. But
trying to find the ideal moment where you can surreptitiously slip into
conversation that your joints have a larger-than-average range of movement can
make forcibly shoving tens into your paramour’s hand after they’ve kindly
offered to pay for you seem fairly casual. There are various methods to do
this that never go amiss. Maybe you need a little stretch and your suitor
across the table gets the money-shot as your upper arm bends in parallel with your
shoulders behind your head. Perhaps your yelp will give it away as your hip
pops out on your romantic walk back to the tube station. Or for the more subtle
of you out there, you can always try to explain why it is that you can never
stop goddamn fidgeting.




However, there’s no easy way to tell someone new that you’re
inhibited by your body’s ability to do too much within the first few hours of
conversation. Will they be frightened off? Will they become overly concerned
and insist on piggy-backing you everywhere? These things are hard to tell when
you’re still two relative strangers sipping overpriced cocktails in an
unnecessarily loud bar asking each other where you went to uni and oh my god
are you kidding my best friend went there did you know her it is such a small
world, etc etc.




For some of you out there, it may be easier to, quite simply,
not bring your hypermobility up. But I think it’s essential to mention it. It’s
part of you, it dictates your life and I think the honesty can be somewhat
refreshing. It’s not a call to delve into your life story, but the longer it
goes without being mentioned, you’re missing out on a personal detail that may
even help someone get to know you better.




Looking back, I’ve tended to treat my hypermobility as a bit of
a joke on a first date, and if I’m feeling particularly daring, I’ll start
bringing out the big guns. Read your recipient, of course, but it’s hard for
someone not to be a little bit intrigued by “I can unhinge my jaw like a snake
and I can get my leg over the back of my head” .Because hypermobility can give
you a sexy competitive edge, so shake what yo mama gave you. With caution, of
course, you don’t want to put your back into spasm.




But what if you end up back at theirs? What if they start taking
your top off? What if they see the stretch marks and automatically assume
you’ve already had seven children? Chances are you’re being overly worried and
they won’t give a shit because you’re being kind enough to sex them. If not,
then move on, they’re probably a bit of a dick.




Sex and hypermobility, however, can be a bit risky at the best
of times, even more so when it’s the first time. It may seem easier to pretend
that you were moaning with pleasure and not pain at the way your leg just bent,
but the cold light of morning can be especially chilly when you quietly creep
out of bed to rescue your pants and you collapse on the floor as your hip
goes into post-bang rebellion. Own it. Don’t be scared. Phasing of your new
beau can be minimised by detailing your predicament beforehand and is my
recommended plan of action. Otherwise explaining why you can barely stand as
you awkwardly hobble back into your tights might send them into a spiral of
guilt and you into an Uber to avoid embarrassment.




This is all worst-case scenario stuff, of course. No matter how
barren Tinder may seem, there are decent people out there who will understand
that you can’t walk as quickly as them or you need a little wiggle when you get
up to put everything back in place. You’ll find out fairly quickly whether
you’ve found someone who can support you, both metaphorically and physically.
It’s easy to still feel guarded, occasionally even like a burden, or like your
hypermobility limits potential adventures. Talk about it together. Work out
plans where you can have fun without wanting to die and let them help you. And
for the record, using an intimate hug as an opportunity to stretch your back
out is the best possible way to kill two birds with one amorous stone.




Massive thanks to Anna Hallissey- (@The_Hallissey on Twitter)
for writing this contribution post. 

Genetic counselling- What to expect at your appointment

So I sent out some feelers two weeks ago on Twitter, asking for people to share their experiences of genetic counselling. I got a lot of responses but only a few people had actually been for this kind of appointment, with a lot more people asking how to get one.

So to start off, I was referred through a dermatologist for this appointment. I am being monitored for a skin condition potentially related to Ehlers Danlos, and the dermatologist decided I would benefit from finally having an official diagnosis on paper. I was lucky, in that I found a doctor who knew about the condition. I had to be referred through my GP, which took some prompting, and they tested my bloods before sending the referral. The blood tests were to check my ESR levels, which measures inflammation, a test a lot of you might have had done. Despite it coming back with normal levels, I still pushed for the referral and my GP agreed to send it.

Three weeks later (I was referred to Northwick Park in London) I received a letter and an appointment. I was told waiting lists were long, which I expected, and my appointment was booked for May, a 9 week wait in total. I was then fortunate enough a week later to be offered a cancellation, which I took.

I did a lot of research online about genetic counselling appointments and what to expect. My top suggestions to prepare for a GC appointment are:

-Check the doctors background beforehand. make sure you are seeing a doctor who has knowledge of EDS, I asked to see someone specific by looking at the consultant list of the hospital and it was so refreshing to hear her level of expertise.

- Take as much family history as you can. The doctor drew out a sort of health family tree, which meant I had to provide a lot of information, mainly about my parents, their siblings, and my grandparents. Go as prepared as possible.

- Be ready to strip off and do some bending, stretching. I had to demonstrate my hypermobility, so I could be scored using the Beighton score. Dress appropriately!

- Write a list of EVERY symptom you have experienced in your memory, no matter how related it seems to be to EDS/HMS. Also try and remember all the scans and tests you have had in the past, and if you can go with results, take them. It's useful for the doctor, who will never have met you, to be able to get some good background.

-Prepare some questions. This is the kind of appointment you go into wanting to know so much, but it's easy to get carried away by how much the doctor will tell you, so make sure you remember everything that's been playing on your mind, and try and get an answer or suggestion.

-Ask about other clinics. If you need help with joints, ask about physio, if you need help with pain, ask about pain management. Your doctor will be able to refer you on to other clinics if necessary. It's definitely worth asking.

All in all, genetic counselling gave me an official diagnosis of EDS type 3, finally written and recorded and properly communicated to my GP. However I am not being followed up, so I did get a feeling of anti-climax out of the whole thing, as I was hoping for monitoring. However, as the word counselling suggests, these are excellent appointments for advice, so get as much out of your time as possible. Also remember to ask about family members- do they need an appointment too?

You can get more info and help with deciding what to ask and what relates directly to EDS from the Ehlers Danlos UK charity website.

This blog has a dedicated Twitter feed now: @ChronicHealth1 for lots of EDS and hypermobility related tweets. And tweets about food obviously.

Please do also follow @ehlersdanlosuk if you don't already, as it's a great online support system. You can find me @laurenrellis and I recommend anyone struggling with their conditions who isn't on Twitter to sign up, as there is a great online community.