Keeping up with Christmas and a chronic illness

Christmas is exhausting. There's the lengthy build up that seems to get longer every year. The present buying, the decorating, the arrangements, the logistics, the invites, the festivities and the expectation to do everything and be everywhere. And this is just Christmas in general.

Doing all of this when you're battling chronic illness can feel like climbing a festive mountain where the fairy lights aren't quite so twinkly and the spirit isn't quite so cheerful. When you enter the festive period already exhausted and burnt out, it's hard to come up with that second burst of energy. That last, bright spark you need to bring the year to a close in an explosion of seasonal joy can feel out of reach.

Many chronic illnesses see their sufferers having to deal with fatigue. There are days when even showering is too much of an ask, let alone shopping, wrapping, visiting, cooking and going for drinks. There's also the fact you need to manage expectations. It's sad but at Christmas time and during other big events, managing a chronic illness becomes like managing a business. You need to be able to tell people what you can do, what outputs are realistic and how much work you can contribute. Yet even letting people know all of this in advance can't shake off the feeling of being a general let down.

Many families and friendship groups will rally around their beloved chronic illness warriors this Christmas, They'll make them feel at ease, help them out with their tasks, organise their socialising and help them do as much as possible- but not everyone has that support network.

If you're feeling isolated and alone during Christmas because your chronic illness doesn't allow you to live out the full festive pantomime- please remember a few things.

1) Christmas isn't everything and while it will return year after year, laying out exactly what you can handle rather than making yourself feel worse is a good foundation to lay. People are inherently good and you might be surprised by what a short, heartfelt explanation of your feelings to someone might achieve.

2) If you are stuck in a rut with family and friends not understanding that Christmas is a big deal in terms of symptoms for you, then maybe it is time to change that. What can you do to make them understand? If you don't feel able to face up to dealing with it now, can you spend next year trying to better educate those around you? It might not feel like it when you are feeling really down in the dumps but it's likely people do want to help and it's also likely they'd feel pretty bad if they knew what their expectations and judgement was doing to your state of mind.

3) Have you turned to a network of people who can understand? There are so many online and social networks now dedicated to not only chronic illness but even certain illnesses and some symptoms. These are fantastic, often very supportive and helpful groups who welcome in new faces, even if you are online and largely anonymous. Sometimes all it takes to lift spirits is to connect with someone who knows how you feel and can share the burden.

Christmas is supposed to be a time of coming together and appreciating loved ones and it would be amazing if those who have to deal with a chronic illness day in, day out, could experience this to the full. There is much more to be done in the chronic illness world to bring a better understanding and level of edcuation to the wider population and this is very difficult. There are so many chronic illnesses that have different and very far reaching consequences, but for those who know what it's like to feel ill more than they ever feel well, here's hoping that each Christmas can become easier and more loving.

What uses up your spoons the most?

This is something that for me, has only really become a problem in the last year. It hasn’t been a struggle I have dealt with since my symptoms began, like a lot of other chronic health suffers have, and I am grateful for that at least. I am more tired now than ever, but of course I am, because I now have a demanding job, work hard, have a bustling social life, a relationship and the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Add the chronic health issues into this and it is an exhausting bundle of things.

Living with chronic pain and dealing with an abundance of symptoms every day is incredible, and people who do it, no matter what the parameters of their doing it are, should be rewarded endless praise and support. Not that they need it though, spoonies know they have to live their life, we don’t ask for a medal on a daily basis, we just get on with it.

*Just in case anyone reading is this unaware (like I was until about a year ago) spoonie is a term used to describe people with chronic illness. The idea behind it being that we have a certain number of spoons each day, and these get taken up by various activities until they run out. Once they do run out, essentially the person has little left in the way of energy and tolerance.*

So this is, for me, and I would be interested to hear what others find, the list of things that use the most spoons.

-           Showering

-          Fitting in exercise

-          Commuting home from work

-          Cooking dinner

-          Going out after work

-          Chores (especially hovering, washing and changing bed sheets)

-          Engaging in long conversations, particularly those at work

-          Drying hair

-          Reading (weird, but it exhausts me!)

-          Getting ready for a day/night (hair, clothes, make up etc)

-          Shopping (food or clothes)

My list is getting longer and sometimes I sub things in and out. Showering seems to take up so much energy and the thought of it just makes me want to bury myself in my duvet. I know it is a very popular one among those who are trying to preserve spoons, and to the outside world probably sounds bizarre.

What uses up most of your spoons? 

8 signs you are living the chronic life

Being chronically ill, as I have written so many times on this blog, is a way of life. What it isn't though, is your whole life. I think most people who suffer with such conditions know that there is a lot of importance in making sure you don't let health problems consume you. I try to make sure mine don't but taking a light hearted approach where possible.

Don't get me wrong though, there are still days I want to scream. But anyway, here's something a bit light hearted to go with the chronic life hashtag I've been enjoying keeping tabs on lately.

1) You often find yourself wondering if you are on fire because yet again, you've slapped on too much Deep Heat and certain parts of your body feel like naked flames.

2) You can often be found blankly staring at people mid-conversation and struggling to remember where/who you are due to chronic fatigue. Great if you want certain people to not speak to you again, not so ideal if you're in a board meeting have 12 people staring at you.

3) You have four meals a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner and meds.

4) You are tired. Tired is you. You are one.

5) You have been in the shower and started wondering if you could live a full life if you never got out. Getting in was effort enough, Getting out doesn't seem plausible.

6) You really enjoy small victories like taking off your bra with one swift movement because you can bend in unnatural ways. YAY HYPERMOBILE JOINTS.

7) You haven't had a good nights sleep since the 90s.

8) You have a super power where you can always be more tired than everyone else.

10 important things to remember when you're having a bad pain day

1) Think about how much your body hurts right now and how much you have to deal with. Really think about it. Now think about how amazing you are and remember that you fight a battle every SINGLE day but still come out the other side. Basically, you're a bloody warrior.

2) Films, TV and good books exist to give us somewhere to escape to. Use them well.

3) You might be seeing a bit more of your bed than you want to at the moment, but imagine how much you miss it when you're at work or busy with life. Just snuggle up and relax, you deserve it.

4) You can write about it. Just write down how you feel. Write down how frustrated you are. Write down a list of things you'll do when you feel better. Writing is definitely a kind of therapy.

5) It might not seem like it, but there are people who know what you're going through. You really aren't alone. It's worth trying online forums or Twitter communities.

6) There will be a better day soon. There will.

7) Fresh air makes a big difference. When you're stuck inside it can become claustrophobic and miserable quite fast, try and sit in a garden or even by an open window and take in a bit of the outside.

8) Cuddles are free.

9) Remember the next time you are out and about and feeling better to pick up some stuff to make home a little brighter. Flowers, candles, postcards, bright cushions or even giant homemade sign to remind yourself how strong you are. Having a more pleasant environment makes the pain times a little easier to put up with.

10) Just to re-iterate- YOU ARE QUITE AMAZING. It really is quite important to keep that in mind.

My hypermobility care mission: an update

This is a short post, but I think it goes quite well as a follow from my first of 2015. A big part of handling illness is education. Teaching yourself and taking advice from doctors helps you to control and look after yourself better. I constantly learn new things, and I did promise myself I would put my condition top of my priorities this year. This has made for a fairly busy January, but a very productive one. It's been busy in other ways too, I haven't just been hanging around hospitals and clinics thank goodness. I have had an anniversary, holiday planning, lots on at work and have tentatively gone back to running. I will write a post on this soon.

I went to see a dermatologist about some bleeding under my skin on my foot, and we came to conclusion it was done at a wedding by some very uncomfortable shoes about a year ago. Typical, the shoe saga strikes again! It's becoming a constant problem for me, but that's for another time. This is apparently now a stain rather than continuous bleeding and she wasn't too concerned by it.She wrote to my GP who then suggested I have some bloods done.

I had my full blood count and an ESR test done for the first time to my knowledge. The ESR test picks up on inflammation in the body and can therefore detect infection. It can also be used to test for autoimmune disorders and connective tissues diseases. My GP predicted this would be higher than average and flag up something, but it was totally normal. The mystery continues. All my bloods were normal actually, and my clinical colleagues assured me I am a very well person on paper. It's a shame this doesn't filter through to my general feelings!

One particularly exciting thing has happened. I did some research into clinics around London that see hypermobility and EDS patients. I emailed a doctor who sadly only specialises in children now, but she works at UCL and pointed me in the direction of a clinic I could potentially self refer to. She was extremely helpful and proved that initiative pays off. I also pushed for a medical genetics referral, which my dermatologist backed me up on and it actually got done. Success! So I was referred to Northwick Park Hospital in London to the genetics team and am now waiting an appointment.

I will report back on what this appointment is like, as a few people on Twitter have mentioned they are keen to be referred too.

That's it for now!
Happy weekend everyone.