Enemies of hypermobility

There’s a lot to deal with when you are hypermobile. You have to take so many things into consideration before you do simple tasks that you probably start to feel like your joints are needy little people that live on your body. Or just a massive pain in the backside. Either works. You also begin to form strong enemies in the form of normal everyday tasks. The sort of tasks that wouldn’t normally spark a second thought, until you find your shoulder popping out or your hip jarring and completely taking away your ability to move.

My list of hypermobility enemies changes often. For every object or task that I learn to use differently or just stop using, another one appears.

Current top 5 enemies:

1)      The shower. Probably top of a lot of people’s lists. The hot weather means you are more likely to need more showers (something users of the London underground should take on board). Hair washing is hard, right? The reaching up and rubbing your head and trying to ignore the clicking and grinding happening in both shoulders. Let’s not even mention trying to dry hair. Then there’s the body scrubbing and making sure you get every last bit of conditioner out of your hair. Back ache, shoulder ache, wrist ache, neck ache. So many aches. You can’t even really stand under really hot water and let it massage your back

because it’s so unbearably humid. So many shower issues.

2)      Changing bed sheets. This is a mountain to climb at the best of times. It’s annoying and no matter how many times I try, I can never just make it happen in seconds like my mum. Reaching across the bed to put on sheets and then wrestling the duvet into the cover leaves my shoulders feeling tight and angry and generally ready for a few hours sulking. It usually requires a short break in between duvet and pillow covers to sit and contemplate life and massage a joint or two.

3)      Moisturising and sun cream. This is a new one for me. I’m trying to do it every day because apparently it’s good for your skin and makes you look nicer. At first I thought I was winning as I can moisturise my back by bending my arms in mysterious and should-be-impossible ways to reach everywhere; then something clicks or jars or feels like it might fall off. It’s also tiring by the time you get to your feet. Even toes need suncream.

4)      Furniture. Okay, so moving furniture is not an everyday activity, or at least it shouldn’t be if you have hypermobility syndrome. I did some furniture moving and culling two weeks ago and still can’t completely straighten one arm. Some of it was no heavier than my bag I take to work and I even did the bending at the knees thing that health and safety people love, yet I will never move furniture again. My shoulder, back, ankles, wrists and fingers were outraged. My right arm is still a bit outraged and is a constant reminder that I will never work in the moving business.

5)      Summer shoes. It’s hot and no one wants sweaty feet. I have a vast collection of flip flops and sandals and other shoes that are made for sunny days and sitting in the park. Unfortunately when you have hips that are fragile and like to make sudden moved in their sockets, flimsy shoes with little support apart from some sewn on daisies and a buckle just don’t cut it. Since the heat wave set in I have been tripping over and limping because of wearing sandals. All I want is to wear a dress without channeling Lily Allen circa 2005 in trainers.