Tuesday 26 May 2015

The hypermobile guide to dating

First dates are notoriously awkward for any singleton. But trying to find the ideal moment where you can surreptitiously slip into conversation that your joints have a larger-than-average range of movement can make forcibly shoving tens into your paramour’s hand after they’ve kindly offered to pay for you seem fairly casual. There are various methods to do this that never go amiss. Maybe you need a little stretch and your suitor across the table gets the money-shot as your upper arm bends in parallel with your shoulders behind your head. Perhaps your yelp will give it away as your hip pops out on your romantic walk back to the tube station. Or for the more subtle of you out there, you can always try to explain why it is that you can never stop goddamn fidgeting.

However, there’s no easy way to tell someone new that you’re inhibited by your body’s ability to do too much within the first few hours of conversation. Will they be frightened off? Will they become overly concerned and insist on piggy-backing you everywhere? These things are hard to tell when you’re still two relative strangers sipping overpriced cocktails in an unnecessarily loud bar asking each other where you went to uni and oh my god are you kidding my best friend went there did you know her it is such a small world, etc etc.

For some of you out there, it may be easier to, quite simply, not bring your hypermobility up. But I think it’s essential to mention it. It’s part of you, it dictates your life and I think the honesty can be somewhat refreshing. It’s not a call to delve into your life story, but the longer it goes without being mentioned, you’re missing out on a personal detail that may even help someone get to know you better.

Looking back, I’ve tended to treat my hypermobility as a bit of a joke on a first date, and if I’m feeling particularly daring, I’ll start bringing out the big guns. Read your recipient, of course, but it’s hard for someone not to be a little bit intrigued by “I can unhinge my jaw like a snake and I can get my leg over the back of my head” .Because hypermobility can give you a sexy competitive edge, so shake what yo mama gave you. With caution, of course, you don’t want to put your back into spasm.

But what if you end up back at theirs? What if they start taking your top off? What if they see the stretch marks and automatically assume you’ve already had seven children? Chances are you’re being overly worried and they won’t give a shit because you’re being kind enough to sex them. If not, then move on, they’re probably a bit of a dick.

Sex and hypermobility, however, can be a bit risky at the best of times, even more so when it’s the first time. It may seem easier to pretend that you were moaning with pleasure and not pain at the way your leg just bent, but the cold light of morning can be especially chilly when you quietly creep out of bed to rescue your pants and you collapse on the floor as your hip goes into post-bang rebellion. Own it. Don’t be scared. Phasing of your new beau can be minimised by detailing your predicament beforehand and is my recommended plan of action. Otherwise explaining why you can barely stand as you awkwardly hobble back into your tights might send them into a spiral of guilt and you into an Uber to avoid embarrassment.

This is all worst-case scenario stuff, of course. No matter how barren Tinder may seem, there are decent people out there who will understand that you can’t walk as quickly as them or you need a little wiggle when you get up to put everything back in place. You’ll find out fairly quickly whether you’ve found someone who can support you, both metaphorically and physically. It’s easy to still feel guarded, occasionally even like a burden, or like your hypermobility limits potential adventures. Talk about it together. Work out plans where you can have fun without wanting to die and let them help you. And for the record, using an intimate hug as an opportunity to stretch your back out is the best possible way to kill two birds with one amorous stone.

Massive thanks to Anna Hallissey- (@The_Hallissey on Twitter) for writing this contribution post. 


Thursday 21 May 2015

14 sort of useful and fun things being hypermobile is good for



1) Reaching the bottom of a Pringles tube.

2) Shaking cocktails.

3) Reaching into your rucksack while it's still on your back.

4) Freaking people out for fun on public transport.

5) Baton twirling.

6) Back scratching.

7) Fitting onto packed tubes.

8) Seeing what's going on behind you.

9) Picking things up with your feet.

10) Turning things around in your hands to be the right way up when you're carrying too much.

11) Moisturising hard to reach bits.

12) Draining Pasta. Fancy pan-to-colander work.

13) Getting out of small spaces.

14) Turning a steering wheel.


Wednesday 20 May 2015

EDS awareness month- Taking a break from chronic life



So It's been a while since a post appeared on this blog. I've been distancing myself from thinking about EDS and everything that comes with it lately.

I've been having a lot of appointments about symptoms that may or may not be related, so I can't completely forget about it.

As it's EDS awareness month I really wanted to write about stress. Being chronically ill, as this blog has covered many times, comes with enormous amounts of stress. My stress reached a scarily high level recently, spurred on by worrying about my health and waiting for results and doctors to reassure me. Chronic pain is basically impossible to have without also having a lot of stress. The combination of everything you have to deal with is a perfect storm of mental unrest.

Something I feel has become important to me and that I feel people should try if they can, is creating some distance. It's not that easy for everyone, because my symptoms are much milder than a lot of others, but it can be done. I started by hiding groups I had joined on Facebook, and not opening links about sad stories of death and patients suffering or how the new government will impact healthcare. I just couldn't read anymore. I also stopped talking about it. Just for a week, I didn't mention it to anyone at all. I still have pains and aches and massive clouds of brain fog that I would usually moan about but I decided to try and remove myself from being a person with EDS.

It worked. I felt calmer, less worried, less scared and started sleeping a little better. I also stopped googling things related to EDS and checking Facebook groups and Twitter for symptoms that sounded similar to mine.

My geneticist mentioned that a lot of people with EDS become fixated on finding people similar and with that comes more anxiety and more concern about symptoms you might not even have yet. I told her all about this blog and how much I had gained from it, and also about how I felt I was too wrapped up in it.

Her advice of having a short break was completely ignored at first. I basically just continued as I was and carried on getting more and more worked up. I almost cancelled hospital appointments in fear of more bad news and that's when I decided it was time.

'Removing yourself' from something that pretty much runs your life is no easy task, but even if you can do it for a day, it's so refreshing. Hiding social media groups or not contributing to awareness for one week doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone needs a break sometimes. We have breaks from work and breaks from people, so since chronic illness is a full time burden, surely we're entitled to a break of sorts from that too?