Staying sane in chronic pain: Having a mental clear out

Chronic pain is a way of life for a lot of people who suffer with it. While there’s a lot of importance in not letting it take over who you are, it’s hard to separate your condition from life itself. I haven’t posted on here for a while, and the reason is that I’ve been increasingly struggling to stay sane in the face of a condition that’s hard to manage and impossible to get a real hold on. It’s not easy to know what to expect, so default feelings turn to worry, worry turns to stress and in time it’s all you become.

This is not a good way to live. While it’s vital to take your condition seriously, and do everything you can to stay in the best health possible, I think the biggest battle is keeping your mind clear and able to function on a normal level.

I had to take a massive step back from everything around me that pointed towards chronic pain, EDS and the illness that’s overshadowed my life for the last few years. I removed Facebook groups from my feed, stopped replying to emails and tweets and moved away from this blog. I concentrated hard on getting a new job, went away on a break with friends, put more time and effort into my other website, and slowly I felt better.

How do you stay sane in chronic pain? How do you keep your mind focused on the light at the end of the tunnel when you can’t see it? I don’t know the whole answer, but I think a lot is about clearing your mind and sweeping aside everything that brings you down. Kind of like having a mental clear out every so often. I don’t want the work I’ve put in on this blog and the community I’ve built online to go to waste, so I will start blogging more regularly again, but I think it’s very important to take some time to try and be you, rather than be a person in chronic pain, and that isn’t always possible when you are surrounded by prompts and reminders.

I was fortunate enough to get away from it all (kind of, we all know you can’t banish pain for a holiday) to an immensely peaceful place and just relax for a couple of weeks recently. I’ve been getting edgy and worried again lately, so in a couple of weeks it’ll be mental clear out time again. I recommend anyone who feels like they are completely drowning to try and do the same. Oh and it’s Friday! So there’s a reason to kick back and take a few deep breaths. Happy weekend spoonies. 

EDS awareness month- Taking a break from chronic life

So It's been a while since a post appeared on this blog. I've been distancing myself from thinking about EDS and everything that comes with it lately.

I've been having a lot of appointments about symptoms that may or may not be related, so I can't completely forget about it.

As it's EDS awareness month I really wanted to write about stress. Being chronically ill, as this blog has covered many times, comes with enormous amounts of stress. My stress reached a scarily high level recently, spurred on by worrying about my health and waiting for results and doctors to reassure me. Chronic pain is basically impossible to have without also having a lot of stress. The combination of everything you have to deal with is a perfect storm of mental unrest.

Something I feel has become important to me and that I feel people should try if they can, is creating some distance. It's not that easy for everyone, because my symptoms are much milder than a lot of others, but it can be done. I started by hiding groups I had joined on Facebook, and not opening links about sad stories of death and patients suffering or how the new government will impact healthcare. I just couldn't read anymore. I also stopped talking about it. Just for a week, I didn't mention it to anyone at all. I still have pains and aches and massive clouds of brain fog that I would usually moan about but I decided to try and remove myself from being a person with EDS.

It worked. I felt calmer, less worried, less scared and started sleeping a little better. I also stopped googling things related to EDS and checking Facebook groups and Twitter for symptoms that sounded similar to mine.

My geneticist mentioned that a lot of people with EDS become fixated on finding people similar and with that comes more anxiety and more concern about symptoms you might not even have yet. I told her all about this blog and how much I had gained from it, and also about how I felt I was too wrapped up in it.

Her advice of having a short break was completely ignored at first. I basically just continued as I was and carried on getting more and more worked up. I almost cancelled hospital appointments in fear of more bad news and that's when I decided it was time.

'Removing yourself' from something that pretty much runs your life is no easy task, but even if you can do it for a day, it's so refreshing. Hiding social media groups or not contributing to awareness for one week doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone needs a break sometimes. We have breaks from work and breaks from people, so since chronic illness is a full time burden, surely we're entitled to a break of sorts from that too?

Genetic counselling- What to expect at your appointment

So I sent out some feelers two weeks ago on Twitter, asking for people to share their experiences of genetic counselling. I got a lot of responses but only a few people had actually been for this kind of appointment, with a lot more people asking how to get one.

So to start off, I was referred through a dermatologist for this appointment. I am being monitored for a skin condition potentially related to Ehlers Danlos, and the dermatologist decided I would benefit from finally having an official diagnosis on paper. I was lucky, in that I found a doctor who knew about the condition. I had to be referred through my GP, which took some prompting, and they tested my bloods before sending the referral. The blood tests were to check my ESR levels, which measures inflammation, a test a lot of you might have had done. Despite it coming back with normal levels, I still pushed for the referral and my GP agreed to send it.

Three weeks later (I was referred to Northwick Park in London) I received a letter and an appointment. I was told waiting lists were long, which I expected, and my appointment was booked for May, a 9 week wait in total. I was then fortunate enough a week later to be offered a cancellation, which I took.

I did a lot of research online about genetic counselling appointments and what to expect. My top suggestions to prepare for a GC appointment are:

-Check the doctors background beforehand. make sure you are seeing a doctor who has knowledge of EDS, I asked to see someone specific by looking at the consultant list of the hospital and it was so refreshing to hear her level of expertise.

- Take as much family history as you can. The doctor drew out a sort of health family tree, which meant I had to provide a lot of information, mainly about my parents, their siblings, and my grandparents. Go as prepared as possible.

- Be ready to strip off and do some bending, stretching. I had to demonstrate my hypermobility, so I could be scored using the Beighton score. Dress appropriately!

- Write a list of EVERY symptom you have experienced in your memory, no matter how related it seems to be to EDS/HMS. Also try and remember all the scans and tests you have had in the past, and if you can go with results, take them. It's useful for the doctor, who will never have met you, to be able to get some good background.

-Prepare some questions. This is the kind of appointment you go into wanting to know so much, but it's easy to get carried away by how much the doctor will tell you, so make sure you remember everything that's been playing on your mind, and try and get an answer or suggestion.

-Ask about other clinics. If you need help with joints, ask about physio, if you need help with pain, ask about pain management. Your doctor will be able to refer you on to other clinics if necessary. It's definitely worth asking.

All in all, genetic counselling gave me an official diagnosis of EDS type 3, finally written and recorded and properly communicated to my GP. However I am not being followed up, so I did get a feeling of anti-climax out of the whole thing, as I was hoping for monitoring. However, as the word counselling suggests, these are excellent appointments for advice, so get as much out of your time as possible. Also remember to ask about family members- do they need an appointment too?

You can get more info and help with deciding what to ask and what relates directly to EDS from the Ehlers Danlos UK charity website.

This blog has a dedicated Twitter feed now: @ChronicHealth1 for lots of EDS and hypermobility related tweets. And tweets about food obviously.

Please do also follow @ehlersdanlosuk if you don't already, as it's a great online support system. You can find me @laurenrellis and I recommend anyone struggling with their conditions who isn't on Twitter to sign up, as there is a great online community.

The power of the online community in healthcare

So everyone knows and has been told a hundred times over to never Google your symptoms. Don't go online and try and work out what's wrong with you, it'll probably be wrong and misled. But what about when you can't get the support you need from doctors or clinics? This is the issue that faces thousands, probably realistically millions, of people worldwide with chronic and rare diseases and conditions. 

The internet, particularly social media, is now an integral part of most people's daily lives. We share and post all sorts, from our breakfast to our emotions. Those people who have symptoms that don't add up, or know they suffer from conditions that aren't adequately cared for by medical professionals are making waves online. I first found this when I was diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome. I didn't get a great deal of support or much useful advice and was soon discharged from all clinics, despite the issue not being under control. My symptoms then got worse and more started slowly appearing and I realised I most likely had another condition, which doctors agreed with but again, not enough support. 

My story is not unusual, and I ended up turning to online forums, Facebook groups and Twitter feeds for answers. I found charities online that had growing followings on social media and plenty of people willing to share experiences. I've learnt so much from these groups and websites and found ways to handle my condition that have helped. That was also how this blog was born. I wanted to put my journalism and communications degree to good use for something that mattered to me. Since then I have built up my own online community. This blog now has a Twitter feed: @ChronicHealth1, I have lots of followers who share my condition online and I use Facebook groups and forums to read about research studies and learn about the ways other people handle flare ups. 

Of course, the internet can be a dangerous place for an unwell person to frequent. Things spiral quickly and patients end up fearing the worse. I've done it myself plenty of times and always regretted it. If you are using online resources to handle a condition or find out what might be wrong, start by looking up reputable charities or societies and see if they are on social media. Also consult your GP if you strongly suspect something, don't just decide that you definitely have it and start trying to come up with treatments. It's really not worth it. However these online communities for diagnosed conditions are so helpful and valuable and many people rely on them as a source of emotional support. I see so many comforting stories and useful links posted on my Twitter feed everyday that I share and sometimes apply to me. 

There's a reason online community management is growing as a job in healthcare. These resources are important and powerful and when used properly, monitored and maintained they can be of great use. 

Anyone reading this with hypermobility, EDS, fibro or other related conditons, check out @ehlersdanlosuk and @HMSAcharity on Twitter, or look into the hastag #spoonie. Type your condition into the Facebook search bar and you will most likely find a group to join. 

Support can come in all shapes and sizes and in 2015, that can include your laptop or smartphone. Just try and be sensible. 

5 awkward hypermobile situations- Part 3

So part 3 of this series focuses a bit on things that other people do that cause stress. And stress in general. I've had number 5 and 4 happen to me recently, so here is my rant for the week:

1) Trouble eating? Jaw dislocation and pain in hypermobility is not uncommon. Sitting at work or having lunch with friends or even eating dinner at home on the sofa- there is no ideal situation to have something violently click in your mouth and the food to fall out. Sadly yes, this does come from experience. Who doesn't love half-eaten digestive biscuit in their lap in a busy office?

2) Bags. Now, a lot can be said for deciding to use a small, lightweight, sensible bag. Good for your back, easier to carry, less chance of injury. However it isn't always possible and girls in paticular LOVE their large bags. I'm thinking a lot about suitcases here. I have had some true nightmares with them. Dragging for more than 1 minute causes bad shoulder pain, picking them up causes bad shoulder pain, forcing them shut causes, (yep you guessed it) bad shoulder pain. Relying on the kindness of strangers or your friends to lug your bag down the stairs at a train station becomes a key part of travelling. That or just taking no clothes away with you and hoping for the best.

3) Lifts. The hypermobile community and stairs are not the greatest of friends. Having ankle, knee and hip issues means stairs are a big problem in some cases, particularly massive flights of them. So you opting to use the lift makes sense, and you might when planning ahead think this will be fine. However, where is the lift? Why is a ten minute walk away? Why is it out service? I have to really let the people with buggies go before me don't I? It's surprising how hostile people with 'life entitlement' can get.

4) 'Would you like a photo madam?'  Limping, using crutches, being in a wheelchair, having to receive help. Anyone who has ever used an aid in public without a cast to explain things, or needed to use a wheelchair will probably have dealt with their share of staring strangers. It becomes it increasingly difficult when you're already frustrated to not vent your anger at people who gawk at you. Maybe we should carry around Polaroid cameras for people to have pictures?

5) Show us a trick then? Explaining your condition to someone and taking time to educate them to be asked 'ohh! Can I see a party trick?' is enough to set even the most patient person off. Not taking a frankly aggressive tone when you explain that NO you won't start bending your joints and causing yourself pain and possible dislocations just to show off, can be quite the feat.

This blog now has it;'s own Twitter feed! I wanted to make a profile for it where I can concentrate more on sharing relevant stuff. You can connect with me @ChronicHealth1 for the blog and for further hypermobile musings and lots of talk about food @laurenrellis

Join forces for Rare Disease Day 2015

Rare Disease Day takes place every year on the last day of February. The idea behind the day itself is to raise awareness, both among the general public and decision makers. This is a day for people affected by rare disease to have a voice and make a splash. People are encouraged to come up with events and take part all over the wide, meaning often patients who would never normally connect with each other have an opportunity to.

This is a perfect chance to to do something, no matter how small, to support those who are impacted by rare disease, patients, families, friends, anyone and everyone. Since being launched in 2008 by EURORDIS, many events have been set up and ultimately a great deal of coverage which is often hard to come by, has been picked up and spread by the media.

If you are interested in learning more, finding out about events, or supporting the day yourself, visit the website.  You can also connect on Twitter- @rarediseaseday and on Google+ +rarediseaseday . 

My last post dedicated to RDD was about Annabelle, a young lady who has a rare type of Ehlers Danlos syndrome. This year I wil be following up with an update about Annabelle and the charity her family have set up, so look out for that.

Remember if you personally are impacted by a rare disease, want to raise awareness or stand up for someone you know, February 28th is a great chance to do it.

Why a can-do attitude is so important

Battling a chronic illness means that you are constantly faced with  things that you can't do, or join in with or just fear doing. When you are in pain, exhausted, emotionally drained and just generally not feeling well, it can become almost impossible to pick yourself up and go about life in the way you want to.

In some cases, patients are simply too poorly to carry out normal every day tasks, let alone embark on careers, holidays and social events. This is a whole other battle in itself. However, facing an illness where you do have your good days, and you can manage the pain and symptoms to some extent, mean you have these fleeting times of feeling like you can do it. Whatever it is, being traveling, a weekend away, going to work for a full week or just having a night out with friend, you feel able and ready to take it on.

Hypermobility syndrome is a limiting condition, and as I have written many times before, impacts life in a big way for those who have it. It's important when you have plans, no matter how big or small, to plan. You need to ensure you have treatments with you, be it painkillers or a hot water bottle and that you have plenty of support available should you need it. I am a big planner, and it has meant that I have been able to do so much that three years ago, I would have thought impossible.

When I booked a trip to Isle of Skye with my friends, I was in the first instance really excited, and then began to worry. We decided to drive, and believe me, it is FAR. We were in the car for 14 hours going up, with a few stops to eat and stretch. Needless to say, I needed a heat pad, lots of leg room, ibuprofen and some serious relaxation during and after the journey.

Skye is very much a walking and scenery holiday. It's different to anything I would normally do and I accepted from the off I would be limited and went there with a nagging worry that I would really hurt myself or end up laid up in bed with a dislocated hip. However what I also went with was a can-do attitude, good trainers, a list of exercises and knowledge of what I can do and what i can't. Yes, I have to refrain from doing as much as my friends, but I can still do plenty. I can still go on days out and walks and travel around, I just have to do it for me, within my limits. So that's what I did. ( I also looked up and located the nearest A&E, because you know, life and all that.)

I did have to hang around on the side of a giant hill while everyone else went all the way to the top, which wasn't ideal, but I still went, and I still gave it a go and I got to take amazing photos and sort of play in some snow (let's be honest, snow isn't for the hypermobile). I needed help getting down and I had to take painkillers in the evening, but to be honest, I need this most days, sometimes even on stairs, so it wasn't much different.

I went out everyday, walked really far, climbed a bit, tasted whiskey, saw some rainbows, saw an eagle, saw a seal, drank lots of coffee and ate loads and I am so glad I did. I kept check of my joints and pain, used heat when I needed it, luckily had a friend with an electric massager, took hot baths and took everything slowly and carefully.

I mean , there was a hairy moment when I couldn't cross a river (I didn't realise this was going to be necessary as it wasn't on the walk list or map) and I had to rely on the patience and good will of my friends to help me, but despite the ten minutes of joint pain that followed and the back ache that evening, I felt good. Everyone felt a bit like an intrepid explorer, but I felt like I had conquered something more than a 9k trek.

Having an can-do attitude means I think more about things in advance and I come up with ideas of trips I want to do, places I want to go and friends I want to visit. I think foremost about the experience, and then I do the planning and logistics of doing these things with a condition. If I can't do them, i can't do them, at least I have other things floating around my head to keep me going. it'll never stop being frustrating, but it will also never rule my head.

When I was first diagnosed and in constant pain that was managed badly, all I wanted to do was lay in bed or in the bath. I stopped exercising and the idea of going away and being on a plane or in a car was laughable. Now though, I just think 'I can', until I realise I can't, and that's okay. The positive thoughts alone make a big difference. Sometimes just lounging on a sofa in front of a fire is enough of an experience.

SMARD- Read Louie's story

It's Rare Disease Day next month, which I always try and do a couple of feature posts on. They are of course usually about EDS or HMS, but this time it's something different.

This post is about Louie, the smiley little boy below.

Louie is almost three years old. He is son to Natalie and Reece and very proud older brother to Charlie. He like watching Disney films, being read to, going swimming and playing on an ipad, just like most other boys his age.

As you can just about see in the photo, Louie has a tracheostomy. This is because he has a rare genetic condition called SMARD- spinal muscular atrophy with respiratory distress.

Some background on SMARD from http://www.actsma.co.uk/page/smard :

SMARD is a neuromuscular disease which causes progressive weakness of the muscles and severe respiratory distress, due to paralysis of the diaphragm, which tends to be the first noticeable symptom.  This is caused by a breakdown of the link between the brain and the muscles due to affected nerve cells.

Some signs may be present before birth, with the mother noticing less fetal movement than that of a healthy baby.   Most SMARD patients will experience respiratory failure within their first six months of life, and go on to require artificial ventilation.  Symptoms seem to appear in reverse order to that of SMA Type 1, with respiratory problems coming first, followed by severe muscle weakness, especially in the lower limbs.  

Health typically deteriorates very quickly by the age of 2, but there is such a range of severity that different cases are picked up at different ages and progression can vary greatly

 Both Louie's mum and dad carry a mutation of the SMARD gene, which only 1 in 50,000 people do. Charlie does not have the gene. The condition is progressive and life limiting and there is no cure. Louie needs round-the-clock care, and despite the demanding nature of his condition, he is happy and content.

 The condition does not affect Louie's brain, and as he grows older he is desperate to communicate with those around him, but he cannot talk. His family are currently trying to raise funds for him to have a piece of equipment called a Tobii Eyegaze . The Eyegaze is a special computer which will give Louie the ability to communicate using his eyes. If he has this computer, he can communicate with his parents and his nurses and carers, he can tell them if he is happy or sad, or uncomfortable, and he can have improved quality of life. It will also mean he can interact with Charlie as he grows up. He will also be able to tell his mum and dad what he wants to do, for example, go to the cinema, or just stay home and watch a film. Something that you wouldn't normally give a second thought to, is such a big deal for a toddler like Louie. Unfortunately there is not funding for this, so his family has to raise £6,600 in order to get the Eyegaze.

As you can imagine, this is very important to Louie and his parents. You can take a look at their fundraising page here and find out more about the campaign. You can also share this on social media and across Blogger. The more people find out about SMARD and Louie's campaign, the better.

For everyone with a rare disease or condition, Rare Disease Day is excellent and a chance to spread the word and raise awareness. The website can be found here and they are also on Twitter- @rarediseaseday