Learning to grin and bear it

Those who live with chronic pain know that it isn’t about stopping it, it’s about learning to manage it. Pain management is no easy feat. It can be a long, daily struggle that takes over life. Life is pain and pain is life. This is not exactly a mantra that anyone wants to live by. The thing with pain is that it can consume you. It’s important to remember that pain is a part of life and although at times it definitely can, it doesn’t rule you. A lesson all those with hypermobility syndrome, Ehlers Danlos, fibro and other chronic conditions learn.

Those who live with painful conditions, especially ones where treatment is difficult to receive in general, it becomes a case of how you work around it. When I first got symptoms of hypermobility syndrome, it was painful to breathe. Shallow breathing became my norm, because I just learned to deal with it. Working full time was hard, not knowing what all this pain was and being referred to people who ultimately, by no fault of their own, couldn’t help me. One thing I remember most clearly from the first year, was learning to grin and bear it.

It took a while. Lots of painkillers were consumed and injections injected and examinations carried out. It interrupted work and put me in a low mood and probably made those close to me think I was mad, or attention seeking, or a hypochondriac. You know how it is. Soon though, I stopped using my right shoulder as much as possible. No more bags, no more carrying shopping, no swimming, no running, no stretching. The less movement, the less pain. I breathed differently, typed differently, slept differently.

For some people, the pain is in more than one place. I only had to deal with one body part at a time when the pain was at its worst and I am so thankful for that. I don’t know  how others carry on when they are in pain practically all over. They do carry on though. As much as you can, you get on with it. I remember thinking of the pain as a tag-along. Obviously unwelcome, but soon it just existed. Sometimes there, sometimes (on good days) not there at all, sometimes really painful, sometimes not too bad.

I think you do learn to exist alongside it. I'm not saying you make peace entirely, but you do what you can to still be you. Some people may not be able to carry on and be as active as others, but I'm sure they do as much as possible. I'm not sure if you can actually overcome pain, maybe some people think you can. But I do believe, to some extent, sometimes, you can grin and bear it.

I worked through my worst time, not always all day and sometimes I would leave to have appointments and see doctors, but I did go in. I eventually made it to my favourite music festival (thanks to very strong friends who could lug my stuff as well as their own), went on holiday and moved on with my career. I used to wake up and get so angry about the stupid, throbbing pain in my shoulder and back that I didn't even think about normal everyday things. But you come a long way when you're up against it. The body can still support you, even when it seems to be doing all it can to go against you. Now, most  of the time, normal things like dog walking, holidays and commuting and working aren't affected by pain. The times they are, I like to just lay on the floor and make some jokes until the episode subsides. I obviously move to the bed if it lasts too long though. Comfort is king.